the negative blog ahahahahaha sad...

anyways as usual when i type here its always negative.. im suprised i managed a month without typing here.. anyways.. yesterday i saw daniel again for the first time after we broke up it hurt like hell.. it was like.. seeing the devil or something.. i dunno it jst hurt.. becos obviously i didnt wanna see him.. my legs shake and im in a total mess thinking FUDGE!!! anyways.. besides that point.. im finding it terribly hard to cope with everything atm.. nothing wants to get into my brain im jst too tired i love julien but arrgg i dunno i jst wish i cud see him every second atm.. it feels like i make so much effort at times.. too much effort.. sighs* i dunno i feel ever so insecure at times.. most times in fact.. not becos he wud leave me..or cheat on me.. its becos of the fact that.. if i dun get things the way i want it to be soon.. im gonna lose it.. and i dont want to lose it .. i just wish everything was good.. everything to be perfect ><;; why cant it be like dat sighs*